You Like Me! You Really Like Me!

M-V-P !!!

M-V-P !!!

M-V-P !!!

This is two years too late, but finally Kobe is getting his props. Do you think people are noticing that 2-time MVP Steve Nash is a defensive liability? And certainly the NBA was a little stung when Dirk had to come back from vacation to receive his MVP trophy (named after some jew lawyer, go figure; no offense -- some of my best friends are jews and lawyers).

So it's about time. Lebron and CP3 are great, and deserve to be all-NBA, but will either of them be within sniffing distance of All-NBA Defense 1st Team? To be fair to Paul, he deserves it more than Nash did two years ago, but now he'll have to bide his time because this is the first of three in the next four years (ala Magic) for Kobe. He's 29, and the prime of an NBA career is 28-32. The rest of the West should be scared.

I think if we'd set some pre-season goals, they'd have looked like this:

Standard Goals:
1) Keep Kobe a Laker (check)
2) Improve the backcourt (check)
3) Sign or trade for some championship-caliber talent (check)
4) Win 46 games (check)
5) Make the playoffs (check)
6) Make it past the first round (check)

Stretch Goals:
1) Win the Pacific Division (check)
2) Unload Kwame for something more valuable than a bacon-wrapped hotdog (check)
3) Get home-court advantage in the 1st round (check)
4) Win the #1 seed in the Western Conference (check)
5) Kobe MVP (check)
6) Make it past the 2nd Round (incomplete)
7) Win the Western Conference (incomplete)
8) 2008 NBA Champions (incomplete)
9) Kobe All-NBA 1st Team (incomplete)
10)Kobe All-NBA Defense (incomplete)
11)Bynum Most Improved (nope)
12)Phil Coach Of The Year (nope)

If I were the Lakers manager, I'd say they deserve a promotion and a big raise. Work well with others, can-do attitude, exhibit leadership skills, etc.

But now I have a big assignment for you: go beat the Jazz in 5 games. You're the MVP Kobe, go get it done.

Who's Not Honoring Me Now? VII

A couple of these are older -- Crouse for example is punishing the Lakers for those two bad losses. As far as the Lakers go, big deal. But those two losses will absolutely cause Kobe to lose the MVP award to Chris Paul. I'm not sure that anything that happens in the next week will change any of those grudge-holding, homerish, fatass writers' minds. Guess Kobe is the new Jerry West (also MVP-less). Logo2!


#3 - Sagarin/usatoday.com
#5 - Schuhmann/nba.com
#7 - Crouse/cbs.com
#4 - dime magazine
#4 - Hollinger/espn.com
#4 - Steyn/espn.com
#3 - Burns/si.com
#5 - Murphy/covers.com
#6 - Ludden/yahoo
#5 - Pincus/hoopsworld.com

All-Star Gazing

Some random thoughts about All-Star weekend:

• The Rookie game was not as exciting this year. Normally zero defense leads to a lot of interesting dunk attempts, but this time it was Boobie Gibson launching 20 3-pointers. I was booing, not Boo-bie-ing. At least Farmar was aggressive and played with energy.
  
  
• An interesting reason why the Sophomores always win: at this point most rookies are exhausted because they haven't learned yet how to run the full marathon of an NBA season. Play this game early in the year and it would be a lot closer.
  
  
• Last year's rookies who didn't make the sophomore cut: Randy Foye, Adam Morrison, Marcus Williams. New sophomores who took their spots: LaMarcus Aldridge, Ronnie Brewer, Rajan Rondo. Enjoy your reflected glory, Rondo, because if you were on a bad team no one would know your name. And Adam Morrison... why does that name sound familiar? Is he in the NBA?
  
  
• This just in: Shooting Stars is still poorly designed (spend half your time shooting 5 shots and the rest shooting a half-court shot), and still a complete waste of time.
  
  
• The better event was the half-court shooting contests at the end of the practice sessions. J-Kidd hit three in 60 seconds shooting one-handed underhand lobs. I have no idea why Sheed didn't participate, because my money would be on him. I was also surprised that Kobe didn't insist on participating left-handed.
  
  
• The best moment from the practice sessions was overhearing Laker4Life Byron Scott tell Kobe, "You're stealing my glory!" because he finally gets to coach his "main man" but instead he pulls up injured. Obviously Byron was Kobe's mentor way back when, and you can feel the love. We need to make sure this guy is coaching the Lakers post-Phil.
  
  
• The 3-point contest is so boring that thankfully Charles and Kenny talked about something else entirely during most of it.
  
  
• My favorite dunk was Howard's 1st in the finals: block off the backboard with his left to create a follow up dunk with his right. But then again, I couldn't stop smiling during replays of the Birthday Cake dunk. Howard's first dunk is right up there... his head was behind the backboard! That ain't right.
  
  
• It's early, so I haven't read any news articles about the game yet. I hope someone points out how utterly retarded those uniforms were. I mean, whose brilliant idea was it to have different colors front and back to begin with, let alone having the East back and the West front almost identical? As guys move around you see three different colors on the court... or during a fast break you might only see one. What the hell?!?
  
  
• Only somewhat on display, much less restrained than I expected: the presentation of New Orleans as a city of hapless victims whose continuing problems are a direct result of the greed, racism, and selfishness of the rest of America. Hey, Bob from Cheyenne, why do you hate black people so much that you don't come down here and spend your time and money rebuilding these people's houses? Or demanding that the Feds spend your money doing so on your behalf? What do you mean other areas were hit much harder by Katrina and seem to be rebuilding just fine?
  
  
• I thought it was pretty funny that Reggie Miller advocated Ray Allen as the clear MVP... do nothing all game then hit some key 3s late. Sounds like Reggie ball. They gave it to the right guy (Lebron) instead -- who by the way absolutely demolished Amare on the game-clinching drive and dunk.
  
  
• No Kobe, no win. Simple as that. Take heed Team USA -- we better hope he's available for the Olympics.

Where Are They Now: Sedale Threatt

Sedale Threatt was sort of the Captain of the Bad Days -- that dim post-Magic era when we looked on the floor and saw some of our favorites (Byron, Worthy, Sleepy Sam, AC) out there slogging through a haze of mediocre seasons, until the rebuilding process kicked in with Nick, Ced, Eddie, Fish... finally paving the way for the Shaqkobean mini-dynasty. He was a good floor leader, great defender, and even led the team in scoring once; too many nights he was the only reason to watch.

I always liked Sedale, and not just because he once punched Danny Ainge in the face (sadly, not as a Laker). I can still hear Stu: "Sedale looooves going to his left to shoot." What is he up to nowadays?

About 14. Kids. By an unknown number of mothers. One son -- Sedale Threatt, Jr. -- is a college quarterback with pro potential but doesn't really know his father. I read somewhere that he had 7 or so kids just since moving to Australia several years back, where he has played a little pro-ish ball and currently he coaches at an And1 camp. Apparently Sedale Sr. is still partying like he's in his 20s, when he was known in Lakerland for enjoying a nice time out on the town with a special lady friend or two.

Good on you, mate... er, except for the whole being an absent father thing.

More evidence of global climate change

The Heat have cooled off considerably -- hard to do when they were chilly from the get-go -- and now own a 12-game losing streak.

I only care because this is former Laker Promiser and Deliverer of Back-to-Back Championships Pat Riley's longest losing streak ever. Look what they've done to my brain, ma! (They picked it like a chicken bone and I'm-ah just about to go insane, mama.)

The Heat are hovering around #28 in most of the rankings, and you hear a lot of comments about injuries, losing Kapono and Posey (!?), etc., but really you have to go back to the original trade for Shaq. The cost/benefit was clear: a 2-3 year window to win a championship or two, followed by having to carry an aging, injury-prone, and increasingly irrelevant center on their roster eating up cap space and making any rebuilding process nearly impossible. To quote Airplane!: "They bought their ticket, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let 'em crash."

This is the same dilemma the Lakers had, and they chose plan (ko-)B. And how's that working out for them? Currently the youngest (and, uh... heaviest?) of the elite teams.

Knicks @ Heat tonight... set your tivos to stun.


[Evening Update: Make it 13. The Heat score only 15 in the 4th, can't contain Lil' Nate, and Shaq goes for a Kwame-esque 10 & 5 with 5 TOs.]

Trapped in the Closet, part 41

You may remember me from such Laker moments as The 2000 Championship Season, and Getting Traded for Horace Grant:

Former Miami Heat star Glen Rice was charged Friday with felony battery after Miami-Dade police said he beat a man he found hiding in his estranged wife's bedroom closet.

Rice went to Christina Rice's home near Coral Gables Friday afternoon, demanding to know the identity of the man she was with and asking why the man was in her house, according to a police report. Glen Rice then quickly found Alberto Perez, 37, hiding in the closet, police said.

Perez called 911 about 1:30 p.m. after Glen Rice hit him several times on the head and Perez was able to run out of the house, police said. Perez's facial injuries, mainly a laceration on his forehead, required nine stitches, according to the report.